cracked
cracked:

It was almost a century ago, but The New York Times used to throw mad shade.
4 Smug Predictions That Were Hilariously Wrong

#4. The New York Times Had to Retract an Editorial Calling the First Rocket Scientist Dumb
In 1920, the New York Times decided to call shenanigans on a paper by some guy named Robert H. Goddard, who claimed to have figured out a way to propel a rocket to the moon. Now, doubting such an idea all the way back in 1920, when some New Yorkers still commuted to work by donkey, wasn’t so outrageous — hell, there are people alive today who think moon trips are only possible through Illuminati/Stanley Kubrick trickery. No, what’s special about the Times’ anti-space travel column is that the writer goes out of his way to shit on Goddard’s work and imply he’s dumber than a 15-year-old.

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I wrote this! Every single change that Cracked has made to an article of mine has been for the best and I love them for making me look good, but I’m still a little sad that the following GIF was cut out of the “GameSpot made fun of the Wii’s sales before it came out” entry:

(More specifically, it went right after “But Then:”)

cracked:

It was almost a century ago, but The New York Times used to throw mad shade.

4 Smug Predictions That Were Hilariously Wrong

#4. The New York Times Had to Retract an Editorial Calling the First Rocket Scientist Dumb

In 1920, the New York Times decided to call shenanigans on a paper by some guy named Robert H. Goddard, who claimed to have figured out a way to propel a rocket to the moon. Now, doubting such an idea all the way back in 1920, when some New Yorkers still commuted to work by donkey, wasn’t so outrageous — hell, there are people alive today who think moon trips are only possible through Illuminati/Stanley Kubrick trickery. No, what’s special about the Times’ anti-space travel column is that the writer goes out of his way to shit on Goddard’s work and imply he’s dumber than a 15-year-old.

Read More

I wrote this! Every single change that Cracked has made to an article of mine has been for the best and I love them for making me look good, but I’m still a little sad that the following GIF was cut out of the “GameSpot made fun of the Wii’s sales before it came out” entry:

(More specifically, it went right after “But Then:”)

Here’s a song I wrote when I was about 15 or so. It’s pretty personal so I’ve never shared this with anyone. I did tweak a few things just now, but it’s still mostly awkward and embarrassing. I’ll shut up now and post it before I chicken out (I’ll probably delete this later anyway).

I see trees are blue
Made from beef stew
Fighting kung fu
With me and you
And I think to myself
What the fuck’s going on

I see dogs in ties
Buying french fries
The movie Snake Eyes
Won a Nobel Prize
And I think to myself
What the fuck’s going on

A pack of wild messiahs
Invaded my backyard
They ate all my papayas
And castrated my jaguar
I see doors wearing pants
Sayin’, “Have some fondue”
I have to tell them
"I’m a jew"

I hear Tommy Lee Jones
And eight of his gnomes
Playing trombones
Into my phones
And I think to myself
What the fuck’s going on

Yes, I think to myself
What the fuck’s going on

Editor de fotos gratis

Ivory Coast Has a Stamp for Every Actor Ever

Apparently, at some point in 2009, Ivory Coast realized they needed to bring more attention to their postage system, so they decided to make a stamp for all the major Hollywood actors. Unfortunately, nobody at the meeting that day had really watched any TV at all since the ’90s, so they went “OK, who’s the biggest star in Hollywood right now?”

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"David Hasselhoff, of course."

"Of course."

"I already had him in the list. But who else?"

"Oh! Oh! The kid from Home Alone.”

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"Has he been in a movie lately?"

"He did that Richie Rich film that just got here on VHS.”

"That’s true. Who else?"

"Um, the… the girl from That ’70s Show?”

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"Yes, Laura Prepon, very good. Keep ‘em coming! We’re on a roll here."

"That guy from Buffy the Vampire Slayer!” 

"Angel?"

"No, no. The one who was just a regular guy."

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"Yes, marvelous, marvelous."

Meanwhile, Congo was like “We’re way ahead of you, motherfuckers.”

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Waaaaaaaaaaaay ahead of you.”

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"Perhaps… perhaps a little bit too ahead of you.”

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Hotmail

One time my buddy in High School asked me where to get an email, and I said “Hotmail.” He was all, “That’s not true. That’s a porno page. You’re sending me to a hot porno page.”

"No, man. It’s a real email website. I have a Hotmail account myself."

"Get outta town. That’s a porno page with naked pictures that you’re sending me to. For crying out loud. Geez, man."

The next day I saw him and he went “Hey man, that porno page you gave me fucking sucked.”