Top 10 Most Historically Significant David Bowie Albums

David Bowie’s contribution to the music industry, and indeed human culture in general, is incalculable. Here are some highlights from his career:

1. Liza Jane (1964): At age 17, David Bowie invents music.

2. Space Oddity (1969): Bowie not only re-invents rock, he creates space travel.

3. The Man Who Sold The World (1970): Bowie invents grunge, and it will take 20 years for the world to catch up.

4. Ziggy Stardust (1972): One dull Sunday afternoon at Mick Jagger’s apartment, Bowie comes up with homosexuality. The extent of Jagger’s input is debated to this day.

5. Raw Power (1973): Bowie spontaneously gives birth to three loud and hairy midgets, naming them “The Stooges”. He produces their album (out of thin air), and punk music is born.

6. Young Americans (1975): In five minutes and thirteen seconds, Bowie invents soul music, negroes to play it, America, free will, and refrigerators.

7. Low (1977): Bowie creates electronic music, in the process inventing electricity itself and Brian Eno.

8. "Heroes" (1977): Bowie’s sci-fi drama at NBC is an immediate success… 30 years later. He decides to broadcast it directly into the future, fearing that then-contemporary TV sets and human minds weren’t prepared for such greatness.

9. Under Pressure (1982): On the tenth anniversary of his most daring invention, and hoping to top it, Bowie accidentally invents AIDS. The world will never be the same.

10. Let’s Dance (1983): Bowie retroactively creates the 80’s, and with it goblins and magic. He decides to rule reality from his secret castle from this point onwards, giving human governments the illusion of control.

London, 1979

Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend of The Who are rehearsing at Pete’s home studio.

image

ROGER: Alright, Pete. I think that’s enough for me today. I’m heading out.

PETE: Okay, Roger. Oh, Roger?

ROGER: Yes, Pete?

PETE: Did I tell you about my doorman, Milo?

Milo the doorman stands by the entrance to Pete’s house. He smiles politely towards Roger. Roger awkwardly smiles back.

ROGER: Yes, Pete. You introduced me to Milo when we came in. Well, anyway…

Roger heads toward the front door and is about to open it.

PETE: Oh, no, no. Milo can do that, Roger. That’s what he’s here for. Milo?

Milo expertly moves his arm in the direction of the front door in order to open it, but Roger lightly touches his shoulder to let him know that’s not necessary.

ROGER: That’s… that’s alright, Milo. Thank you. Why, uh, do you have a doorman, anyway, Pete?

PETE: Why, Roger. To open doors.

Pete smiles with the smug satisfaction of someone who has a doorman.

ROGER: I see. Well, it’s getting late, so I’m just gonna…

PETE: Roger. Let him do that.

ROGER: That’s no problem, Pete. I’ll show myself out.

PETE: Roger.

image

ROGER: (sighs) What is it, Pete?

PETE: I paid for the goddamn doorman, Roger. Let him do his fucking job.

ROGER: You know what? No. No, Pete! I can open my own doors! Unlike you, apparently!

Milo quickly grabs the doorknob, his doorman instincts recognizing that the situation is about to get worse — however, Roger’s microphone-clutching muscle memory allows him to grab it as well. The two struggle for control of the door-opening mechanism. Pete watches in despair.

PETE: NO, STOP IT! STOP IT, ROGER!

ROGER: Don’t tell me what to do, Peter Townshend! DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

PETE: GODDAMN YOU, YOU ARROGANT BASTARD! LET MILO OPEN THE DOOR! LET MILO OPEN THE-

Pete stops cold, a sudden revelation striking him. He leaps towards his guitar and clutches it as raw inspiration courses through his system. The chords practically play themselves.

PETE: When people keep repeating
That you’ll never fall in love
When everybody keeps retreating
But you can’t seem to get enough

Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
Let my love open the door
To your heart

Milo is entranced by the beauty of the impromptu composition, and just the world in general. Tears fill up his old, tired eyes for the first time in decades. Roger seizes the opportunity to punch him in the fucking face. He opens the door and stomps out.

Roger returns a second later.

ROGER: That song stinks!

Roger leaves again, as a mildly offended Pete scribbles the lyrics on a piece of paper.

PETE: Well, I’ll put it in a solo album, then.